3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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