During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
