I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
