11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
