Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
