you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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