Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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