I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
