god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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