I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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