i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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