Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
