I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
well you can't waste a boner
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
