Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
