remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
