yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
