Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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