3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
