Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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