I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
