I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
