How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Come on in and take your pants off
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