Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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