Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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