it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
