yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
