One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
