mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
