She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
