OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
