I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
