with your own penis?
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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