Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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