chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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