I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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