so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
