I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
