I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
