brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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