Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
