Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
