jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
