My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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