her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
