was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
