I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
