I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
