There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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