he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
