I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
