I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
