you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
