he puts the penis in happiness.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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