you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
