I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
